Life can be difficult when intense emotions seem to dictate our feelings, thoughts, and actions. Therapy provides a safe space for individuals to navigate through these difficult emotions and come up with strategies and techniques to handle our emotions constructively. Since working at Matt Eldridge Counselling, I have witnessed the meaningfulness of reaching out for support.
I am currently training in Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT). DBT consists of mindfulness, interpersonal effectiveness, emotion regulation, and distress tolerance.
One of my favourite DBT skills that I use myself, and love sharing with clients is Wise Mind. DBT teaches us about our states of mind which include our reasonable mind, wise mind, and emotion mind. Our reasonable mind is the state of logic and reason and focuses on the facts while leaving emotions out, while our emotion mind is the state of being ruled by our emotions, and facts are not important. Our wise mind is in between our reasonable mind, and our emotion mind. It is a state of mind that utilizes both logic and emotion. It is also the ideal state of mind to be in, and mindfulness is a way to get us there.
An example of reasonable mind: I recall when I got a phone call that my uncle had passed away. Immediately, my family was planning everything that needed to be done for the funeral and getting things ready. I remember that I had to watch my baby cousins and get them ready for school. At that moment, I was so focused on the tasks that needed to be done, such as cleaning the house, organizing things, and watching my cousins. I was consumed for the next little while by all the things that needed to be done, I completely neglected the fact my uncle had passed, and that I was heartbroken. While it was helpful to be in reasonable mind, in the sense that it allowed me to get things done; it was unhelpful as it forced me to ignore how I was feeling inside and compartmentalize my grief. It took me quite a while to allow myself to feel the emotions surrounding my loss.
An example of emotion mind: When an ex-boyfriend and I were at the end of our relationship, I remember being so highly emotional that I was desperately trying to hold onto the relationship. I was crying constantly, not eating or sleeping, and the only thing I thought would make me feel better was him. I knew the relationship was not right for me, but in that moment, I allowed emotions to take over. On one hand, it felt good to allow myself to cry and feel everything surrounding the breakup, but on the other hand, it was not productive as I was not able to think logically, and ignoring necessities such as eating and sleeping because I was so wrapped up in how I was feeling.
When I started my Masters, I learned that a lot of my classmates were currently working in the field. I was doing some volunteering with the Distress Centre of Greater Toronto (a great resource if you need to talk to someone!), but my main job was working in a restaurant. I felt insecure as I was surrounded by people who were doing meaningful work, while I was a waitress… I felt behind, and that I should quit and find a job in the mental health field. My emotion mind was telling me to leave my job behind and find something else so that I could feel more confident at school. Simultaneously, my reasonable mind was saying that I love working there, my boss supports me with school and allows me to be flexible with my hours, and that it will financially support me to even be able to go to school. While I was leaning more into my reasonable mind, my emotion mind was still worrying about what my peers would think. After some time, I felt my wise mind telling me that it is okay that I am working as a waitress, and that I don’t need to feel insecure amongst my peers who are working in the field. My wise mind recognizes that I have a strong work ethic, I am completely devoted to the job, and I have blossomed as a leader there. These are traits that I have grown into that will actually help me in my future social work career. My wise mind tells me to enjoy school while working in a place I love, and to take my time to figure things out as opposed to rushing and quitting my job to feel like I was doing more with my life. This happened over time by practicing mindfulness, and below are some techniques that I have used to help me find my wise mind. Now, I have accepted where I am at in life, and I am happy with the decision I made to not quit the restaurant.
My goal when working with clients is to support them to find their wise mind. When we find ourselves drifting too much into our reasonable or emotion mind, the techniques below are ways that allow us to practice mindfulness and become truly present in the moment. This takes practice, of course. Here are some of my favourite, and super easy, ways that I use mindfulness to bring myself to my wise mind:
1. Everyday task: choose an everyday task and bring intentional awareness to what you are doing. For example, every evening I like to have a cup of tea. A way for me to become more present in the moment is by keeping my phone away, dimming the lights in my kitchen, and combine different types of tea leaves while I wait for the water to boil. When the water is ready, I sit and watch the steam of the tea rise.
2. Reading: choose quotes that influence you to want to be mindful. Write these quotes out and place them where it is visible. For example: I have the quote, “But, how could you live and have no story to tell?” – Dostoevsky, on a stickie on my laptop. Every time I find myself procrastinating, I re-read this quote to bring me back from my thoughts and try to focus on the task I was trying to complete.
3. Awareness of events: begin to notice small things in your environment. Some of these things include feeling the wind on your face, the feel of your bedsheets when you take your socks off, sipping a glass of cold water, etc. One thing I started to become more aware of is the body pain after an intense workout. A way that I become more aware of this feeling is by stretching even through the pain.
These tools are ones that I have used in the past to help me find the balance between my reasonable mind and my emotion mind. I have worked in the restaurant industry for 10 years, and these tools have helped me come into my wise mind when I am working. Restaurants are relatively high-intensity environments. It is easy to become frustrated with people when working a busy shift. I find that when I feel myself become frustrated at work, I will try to take a quick break and make a cup of coffee. I will grind the espresso beans, delicately form the espresso into the portafilter, and watch the coffee pour into the cup. This is a way to ground myself and pause the chaos around me for a moment and helps me to find my wise mind. This is something small that has had great benefits for me at work.
I ask that you reflect on times when you found yourself leaning into your either your emotion mind or your reasonable mind. I encourage you to reflect on in which ways you may have found your wise mind, and if any upcoming situations may benefit from finding your wise mind.
Comentários